i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
