theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
