I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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