I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
