Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
did i just pee glitter
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
