You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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