Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
