what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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