My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
