I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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