I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
