so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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