He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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