I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Randomize
