Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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