dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
