i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
