They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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