if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
