I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
