nut hugger
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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