who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
