Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
