Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
