so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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