i just had sex bonerless
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
