Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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