In the future we'll all be gay
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
