i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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