remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
