She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
