If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
