You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
