Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
