Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
