Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
