I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its about making memories worth repressing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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