Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
