Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
