Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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