last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
