An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
