all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
