nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
