she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
