I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
