Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
