she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
