I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
