We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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