apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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